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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646973">I’ll Try To Be The Best I Can Be. For You.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatefulAfterlife/pseuds/FatefulAfterlife'>FatefulAfterlife</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cancer, Child Abuse (not by Gee), Foster home, Graphic descriptions of poverty, M/M, Ray and Mikey are besties, Tags May Change</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:48:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,003</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646973</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatefulAfterlife/pseuds/FatefulAfterlife</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard Way, an eighteen year old boy was hit by tragedy when his little five year old brother, Mikey Way, was diagnosed with leukaemia. Their parents left them and now they’re broke, though Gee is trying his best for the sake of his little bro, though paying for chemo on top of everything is a challenge.</p><p>Eventually, Gee meets a man who can help turn their life around. Everyone needs help, and Mikey’s best friend Ray helps as well.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Frank Iero/Brendon Urie, Gerard Way/Dallon Weekes, Ray Toro/Mikey Way</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I’ll Try To Be The Best I Can Be. For You.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m sorry, Mikey... you can’t have that,” I’ve repeated these words so many times to the poor thing. It falls from my mouth like venom to poison my heart even further.</p><p>It’s been a couple months since our awful parents left us alone in a run down house in this stupid town. Their reason for leaving? My five year old brother, Mikey, had been diagnosed with leukaemia.</p><p>He’s apparently had it for a while, which makes it that much more severe. We got back from the hospital that day, I held Mikey in my arms, and my parents were already packing.</p><p>I remember how they told me that since I’m eighteen, I can take care of Mikey and myself. Then they took some of their clothing and all their valuables, leaving me alone with Mikey. The diagnosis had happened shortly after my own birthday, and today is Mikey’s birthday.</p><p>I’ve taken him to a cheap toy store for him to pick out one thing, but I keep having to say ‘no’ to him. It’s breaking my heart. It’s only a couple dollars, it shouldn’t be so expensive. My job luckily pays well, but expects me to come to work most days of the week. It’s just a crappy job at a restaurant, so it’s fairly easy, but it also restricts how much time I get to spend with Mikey who should be constantly looked after. I’ve been putting most of my money into his chemotherapy appointments, and it’s making us poor as dirt. It breaks my heart further to see how much the chemo takes out of Mikey.</p><p>I see Mikey pick out a cheap unicorn figurine that only costs a dollar, and I know I can finally say yes. “Gee! Unicorn!” Mikey runs up to me happily.</p><p>“Do you want the unicorn, Mikey?” I smile at him gently, giving him a little kiss on the forehead. He giggles and answers right away. “Yes please! I love unicorns!”</p><p>We take the little figurine to the cash register and pay for it before Mikey jumps into my arms, happily gushing over his unicorn. “So pretty, Gee!”</p><p>“Of course it’s pretty, all unicorns are. Let’s go home now, I have another surprise for you,” I smile at him, holding him propped on my bony waist. I readjust his little grey beanie and zip up his coat before we leave the store and make the journey home.</p><p>I notice Mikey shivering like usual due to how sensitive he is, so I take off my coat and drape it on him before carrying him like a baby back to our little house. Sure, I’m cold, but I’m also not the one who is too young to have a life threatening condition. I’d give up anything for my little brother, any day of the week. </p><p>I walk us inside the door and rush to shut it. It’s been a cold September thus far, and it sucks. But, I’ve paid the heating bills thankfully. It’s nice to walk into a warm house again after the bitter cold makes the skin of my arms numb. I sit Mikey at the table and switch the coats for a fuzzy blanket to wrap around Mikey. </p><p>“Thank you, Gee,” Mikey smiles at me. “I love you!”</p><p>“Aw, I love you too, little bro,” I kiss his cheek quickly and go to the kitchen. “Ray will be over soon, and I made your favourite chocolate cake!”</p><p>“Yay! I love chocolate cake! And I wanna see Ray again!” Mikey says excitedly. </p><p>Ray Toro is a happy, bubbly little six year old that lives a couple houses down. He and Mikey had become friends in the hospital waiting room of all places a couple years ago when we’d taken Mikey there for a particularly bad flu. Ray was there for the same flu apparently and they have remained best friends ever since. Sometimes Ray comes with Mikey and I to a chemo appointment just to hold Mikey’s hand and tell him everything’s going to be alright. Afterwards, I can usually find enough money to buy them ice cream.</p><p>Mikey had to get glasses a while back, which adds another burden to me. I have to be scared if his current ones break, because glasses are expensive. I look over at the little guy, smiling as I see him playing with his new unicorn. The last remaining tuft of hair on his head peeks out the front of his beanie and goes all the way down between his eyes. I’d cut it off, but I really don’t want to. I don’t want Mikey to be fully bald yet, and I’ll probably cry when that last little chunk falls out.</p><p>I remember when it first started happening. Mikey had groggily come to my room late at night holding a handful of his missing hair in his hands with tears in his eyes. I set the hair on my dresser and just held him close to me that night, lulling him to sleep. I’d cried when I woke up, remembering the previous night all too well. Even now I cry about it. So I guess I’ll let Mikey have that small patch for now.</p><p>There’s a knock at the door and I open it, cringing internally when the loud squeak makes it sound like it’ll just fall off the hinges. There stands Ray, with a big smile on his face and a little box under his arms. “Hiya, Gee!”</p><p>He also calls me by my nickname, and I’ve established a great relationship with his parents. They now trust him to come over unsupervised. “Cmon inside, Ray.. you’ll get cold, and Mikey is waiting for you,” I smile, closing the door behind him as he walks in.</p><p>Mikey instantly hops off his chair and tackles Ray in a hug, bearing the happiest smile on his little face. “RayRay! You showed up!”</p><p>“Of course I did, Mikey! I couldn’t miss this!” Ray smiles, taking off his jacket when Mikey finally releases him from the death grip he’s famous for.</p><p>“I’m happy you’re here,” Mikey smiles, dragging him to the dinner table. It’s unpolished and has a few burn marks from unattended candles when our power bill wasn’t paid once. I’ve made an effort to make sure that never happens again.</p><p>Ray sets the decorated box on the table along with my gift to Mikey. My gift is in a little box with air holes in it, which you can probably assume what it is. Ray and I kinda planned this together, and I can’t wait to see the look on Mikey’s face.</p><p>“Alright, boys. I have pizza on the way, you can play some games,” I smile at them, giggling as I watch the two rush to Mikey’s room to play with the few toys I could afford to buy him. </p><p>I wait by the door for the pizza guy to show up and pay him, setting the pepperoni pizza on the table. “Mikey! Ray! Dinner time!”</p><p>I giggle watching two small blurs rush to the table. “Thank you, Gee!” They say in unison.</p><p>“Of course, I wouldn’t want the birthday boy and his best friend to be hungry,” I start setting the table, giving them two slices each for starters. I still want them to have room for the cake I persuaded the chef at the restaurant to make for me.</p><p>I eat a slice myself, and sigh with relief as my stomach feels a little less pained. It’s nice to eat once in a while. I usually have to go hungry until a bonus check comes in because I have to feed Mikey no matter what. He’s thin enough as it is and throws up after chemo.</p><p>I’m snapped from my thoughts by a small hand tugging on my shirt. Mikey looks up at me with his big moon shaped eyes and smiles. “Cake now?”</p><p>“If the birthday boy says so, then cake it shall be,” I smile at him, cutting two slices of chocolate cake and setting them onto plates. Mikey latches onto me with his arms and his legs wrapped in a death grip around my right leg. “Gee, you gotta have some too.”</p><p>“Okay, if you say so. The things I do for you, Mikes,” I giggle and do a sarcastic pout which makes Mikey giggle. “I do say so.”</p><p>So that’s how I’m standing here now, giggling while eating cake like a moron. Mikey and Ray are also giggling along with me, and they’ve almost finished their cake. I decide to hold off on jokes until they’ve finished and soon I see two little kids run to the kitchen and put their plates in the sink with their forks. </p><p>I quickly finish what’s left of my own slice of cake and lead the boys back to the table. I pull up a seat beside them and smile. “Alright, gift time!”</p><p>Mikey giggles with a smile and rips open Ray’s first. It’s a hamster cage with the stuffing needed for litter in a bag inside. I see Mikey’s jaw drop and start bouncing in his seat with anticipation. “Gee! Does this mean-“</p><p>“Open the second present, Mikey,” I smile more at him after kissing his cheek. His smile only grows as he gently opens the box I got him. He peeks inside and squeals loudly, getting up to jump around. “I GOTTA MOUSE!!!!”</p><p>I clap my hands and cheer before scooping him into my arms. “Of course you did, Mikey! Happy birthday!”</p><p>Mikey kisses my cheek this time and we go back to the table. I take the small white mouse and gently set it in Mikey’s waiting hand. He looks at it with wonder and awe, shaking with the urge to jump around in excitement again.</p><p>“What’s his name?” Ray smiles at Mikey. The only response is “Darth Squeakious!”</p><p>Needless to say, Mikey is already in love with his new friend judging by how he’s playing with it already in the living room with Ray. I get the cage set up with litter, a food bowl, and a water dropper. I set the cage down beside Mikey and he eagerly puts the little mouse inside.</p><p>Once the mouse and its cage are in a safe place, Mikey jumps up and hugs me as tight as his skinny little arms can. He then hugs Ray with the same amount of force before breaking into happy tears. “T-thank you so much!”</p><p>“Awwwww, Mikey! Happy birthday!” We both smile at Mikey before another group hug ensues. “Wanna watch a movie, you two?” I ask.</p><p>“Yeah!” They both say, giggling afterwards. </p><p>“Mikey, you get to pick out the movie,” I hold his little bony hand and lead him to the couch.</p><p>He scrolls through the small folder of pirated movies we have on our dying tv. It’s dying from an issue with the projection bulb, because I can’t afford to replace it. I have to put almost all of my money into paying off debt that I only have because I need money to pay for chemo. I’m close to having the bank just cut off my loans and stuff, making me unable to pay for the chemo. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’m considering just saving up and moving to Canada. They have free healthcare, which I’m pretty sure covers chemo. Not that difficult to become a Canadian citizen, I could do that. </p><p>While I’m thinking about setting my plan into action, I notice that Mikey has picked The Nightmare Before Christmas and is currently just cuddling up to both Ray and I happily. It would hurt me to tear Mikey away from his best friend, but it would be worth it to keep him alive. I decide to bring it up with him tomorrow. He doesn’t deserve to have to choose between his best friend and living.</p><p>I notice Mikey fall asleep halfway through the movie, and I smile to myself. Ray seems to be happy as well, holding Mikey’s hand gently. Ray waits for the movie to end before getting up and getting his stuff on. “Thank you, Gee!”</p><p>“No problem, Ray. Thank you for coming, it means a lot to Mikey and I,” I get up and get my stuff on as well so I can take Ray home.</p><p>I wrap Mikey in two fluffy blankets and hold him bridal style, walking out the door with Ray. My teeth chatter, and I can hear Mikey’s as well. I lock the door and quickly speedwalk Ray back to his house.</p><p>“Thank you, Gerard.” His mom thanks me. “How is little Mikey doing?”</p><p>“It really was no problem, and Mikey is doing alright. He loves his mouse. Chemo seems to be getting harder to pay for...” I reply, holding Mikey a little closer when I notice him squirming in my arms from cold.</p><p>“I’m sorry, dear... I wish you luck,” She smiles and takes Ray inside. I smile back and practically run home to avoid Mikey getting too cold.</p><p>Once we’re safely inside and I’ve locked our paint chipped door, I set Mikey in his bed still wrapped in blankets. His little face seems to be calmer, which is good. He has a chemo appointment in a couple days, and I feel horrible that he has to go through it so soon after his birthday. I keep telling myself it’s worth it to keep him alive.</p><p>I crawl into my own bed and stare up at the cracked ceiling. What will I do when the money runs out? When I’m in crippling debt? What if my job fires me for staying home again to take care of Mikey’s sickness? Will I have to pack up and move us to Canada? Do I have enough finances to do so? How will Mikey be without Ray? </p><p>I’m still thinking when I check the clock. It reads 2:23 AM, perfect. I’ve been stressing about stuff for hours, but still no conclusions. There’s a small sound coming from the hallway before I see a small silhouette open my door and peek in. I recognize it as Mikey instantly and put a smile on my face. </p><p>He closes the door behind him and crawls into bed with me. I hug him close, feeling his spine beneath my worn out and calloused fingers. His breathing slows back to normal and I smile a little more. “Bad dream?”</p><p>Mikey nods and buries his face in my chest. He’s got his little unicorn plushie I knit for him when he was just a baby. </p><p>I rub his back softly and I decide to start singing.</p><p>“The island bathes in the sun's bright rays,<br/>
Distant hills wear a shroud of grey...<br/>
A lonely breeze whispers in the trees,<br/>
Sole witness to history...” </p><p>It’s a song from an older video game I used to always play with Mikey called ICO. Though, we much prefer the game that came with it by the same game company called Shadow Of The Colossus. We’ve long since sold our PS3, but I kept the discs for memories.</p><p>“Fleeting memories rise,<br/>
From the shadows of my mind...<br/>
Sing "nonomori" - endless corridors,<br/>
Say "nonomori" - hopeless warriors,<br/>
You were there...<br/>
You were there...” we both sing softly. I taught him the words, and we sing it to help each other fall asleep whenever we both struggle with the simple task.</p><p>“Am I forever dreaming,<br/>
How to define the way I'm feeling...<br/>
You were there,<br/>
Countless visions they haunt me in my sleep..<br/>
You were there,<br/>
Though forgotten all promises we keep..<br/>
Slaves to our destiny,<br/>
I recall a melody..<br/>
Sing "nonomori" - seasons lit with gold,<br/>
Say "nonomori" - legends yet untold,<br/>
You were there...<br/>
You were there...” </p><p>We only get that far into the song before both of us are fast asleep and calm. </p><p>I wake up to a little ball of Mikey squirming around, signalling that he’s awake now. I open my eyes and squint, seeing two bright and happy eyes looking at me. “Morning, Geebear!”</p><p>I giggle at the nickname he calls me and sit up. “Good morning, Mikey. Want me to go get your glasses?” </p><p>He nods and curls into a ball again for warmth. I drape my thin blanket over him and quickly grab his glasses from his room. When I return to my nearly barren room, he’s fully under the covers and looks relaxed.</p><p>He looks up at me when I put his glasses on his small face. “Hi, Gee!”</p><p>“Hey, little Mikey!”</p><p>“Gee, what do we have for breakfast? I don’t wanna be hungry again...” he looks at me sadly and it breaks my heart again. I choke back the urge to cry in front of him and just pick him up. </p><p>“We have stuff for breakfast, MikeyMikes... I promise,” I give him a smile I’m not sure I fully mean and set him at the table.</p><p>I look through our fridge with a sigh. “Um... Mikey, we still have leftover pizza?”</p><p>“Yay! Pizza!” Mikey looks happy and excited. I’m glad I can at least give him breakfast.</p><p>I’ll have to pick up groceries after work. Usually, I work while Mikey’s at school. I take him to school, work for nine hours, and he goes to hang out at Ray’s until I pick him up and take him home.</p><p>I quickly feed Mikey some pizza I hastily microwaved and rush him outside the door with his backpack. We’re already running late because I can’t afford an alarm clock that isn’t my phone. I use the neighbour’s wifi cause he’s generous.</p><p>I drop Mikey off to school and he looks sad as he joins the other kids. I put a hand over my mouth to stop a sob from escaping me, knowing it’ll just upset him more. I give him a fake smile and a wave, making him smile back a little. </p><p>That little smile drags me through my long day at work, through all the dirty looks I get when I serve a customer, through all the yelling from the chef, through all the complaints that I’m not a female waiter, and the constant fear or dread that haunts my thoughts. I finish my long shift and practically run to Ray’s house to pick up my baby brother.</p><p>“Oh! Gerard, he’s been a happy little darling for us all day. Ray noticed he didn’t have a lunch, so I want to give you this.” Ray’s mom hands me a box full of canned food, a loaf of bread, fruits and vegetables, and some bacon.</p><p>“O-Oh my god, t-thank you! Thank you s-so much!” I burst into tears and hug her close. “You have no idea how much it means to me...”</p><p>“I know, dear... I know how hard it is. My mother was the same way. And I want the best for you and Mikey...” she smiles at me.</p><p>“I-I forgot to get groceries after work, and all I have is t-tip money left... it’s not much. I-Is there any way I can repay you-“</p><p>“Dear, it’s fine. I don’t want to be repaid, I just want you and Mikey to get by. And I’ll always be here if you need help of just wanna talk.”</p><p>“Thank y-you so much,” I wipe some of my tears and look down to see Mikey hugging my waist, as it’s the only thing he can reach. </p><p>“H-hi, Mikey! Wanna go home now?” I smile down at him happily. </p><p>“Yeah!” Mikey jumps a little happily and smiles at me.</p><p>Ray’s mom looks at me again. “Take care of him... he’s precious.”</p><p>I nod and walk Mikey back to our shitty house with the box of precious food in my hand. I sit us both on the couch and I just hug him tightly. </p><p>I’m scared of losing him, I’m scared of hurting him, I’m scared I won’t be the best for him. Am I selfish for not letting him go elsewhere? Would he be better off elsewhere? It doesn’t matter, none of it does. Because my little brother, my Mikey, is here with me right now in my arms. </p><p>He’s just happy in my arms, curling into a ball for warmth. I smile at him and get up, wrapping him in a blanket before I walk to the kitchen and heat up a can of ravioli.</p><p>There’s enough in the can to feed Mikey, but I don’t wanna make him starve by having food for myself. My stomach growls and I make a probably incredibly dumb decision. I set Mikey’s dinner on the coffee table by the couch with a smile. The coffee table is entirely cheap plastic, and the couch is ripped, but we don’t have the option of complaining. </p><p>“Mikey, I want you to stay here, okay? Please, baby?” I start putting my coat on. </p><p>“Yes, Gee... no opening the door for strangers, hide if I hear a noise, keep a garbage can nearby, medicine cabinet has headache pills, and don’t make a mess.” Mikey nods at me.</p><p>I blow him a kiss and lock the door before bolting away. I run as fast as I can, my boots crunching on the frost coating the grass. I run as fast as my skinny, shaking legs can take me and I go to my workplace.</p><p>I go to the alley out back and check the dumpster outside the kitchen. There is a takeout box full of chicken that I can tell was just cooked a little while ago. The chef here is often wasteful if the food isn’t perfect, which is why this place pays so well to even a lowly waiter like me. It’s for fancy people, rich people, and people who are too rich and stuck up to notice anyone but themselves.</p><p>I reluctantly take a bite of the chicken, crying a tear of relief. I may be dirt poor, but I can still tell when a chicken is cooked perfectly. I continue to eat a good majority of the chicken and stuff some into a plastic bag for later. </p><p>I look into the dumpster again and smile to myself seeing a whole box of fresh apples, though gathering a layer of frost. I set the apples down on the ground for now and continue my search. The next thing I find is a perfectly cooked, fresh steak. Medium rare by a small taste. I grab it in a plastic bag and set it on the apple box. </p><p>I manage to find a few rolls from the bakery that we order from, still in bags, so I grab those too. I know, it’s pathetic that I have to eat from a literal dumpster just to stay alive. It’s not healthy, and not sustainable, but it works for now.</p><p>I take home the food and set it on the counter. I am more than thankful I paid the heating bill, because my toes are frozen. I notice something off... there are very few lights on, and Mikey is nowhere to be found. I flip on the lights and look around.</p><p>Mikey ate his dinner thankfully, and I find him hiding in my bed. He’s curled up under the sheets, and I smile. I quickly put away our food and turn off the lights before going back to my bed and cuddling a little ball of Mikey. He’s warm, and I’m thankful. He wakes up momentarily with a groggy voice. “Gee?”</p><p>“Yeah, Mikes...”</p><p>“You’re home now. And I’m safe again.”</p><p>“Of course, baby boy.” </p><p>“Thank you..” He whispers, falling asleep again against my bony chest.</p><p>I sigh happily and kiss his forehead before falling asleep as well. There are no contemplative thoughts, no current issues. We’re fed for the week, living stably, and Mikey is still with me. Only a few more sessions of chemo left apparently to knock out the cancer, and I couldn’t be happier. I have happy dreams, hugging Mikey gently like a teddy bear.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yes, I realize this is similar to another fic... I’m sorry. :(</p></blockquote></div></div>
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